But I am a robot. Google says I am so I must be. This was decided after I failed to read the scrambled letters that Google said would prove I was NOT a robot. After twenty wrong goes at it - I gave up and decided I must be a robot so there you have it.
Being a robot though does have its advantages. For one thing robots don't get invited to special preview evenings at art exhibitions.
When you first receive that 'special' invitation for you and a guest to attend a 'private' viewing it is always a bit flattering. But as any non-robot knows there are certain pitfalls to be avoided at all costs.
Do not wear slashed jeans and t shirts. This will not make you look like a 'devil-may-care' artist ..it will make you look a prat. The 'real' artists wear white linen with an air of casual elegance.Even if you are in a room full of casually elegant white linen it is still easy to spot the artist..he or she will be wearing a brightly coloured scarf. This is compulsory even in the middle of a heatwave - artists wear scarves.
Definitely, definitely do not wear purple velvet. An artist friend of mine did but, unfortunately, his suit exactly matched the plush purple velvet curtains draped so decorously around the gallery. For the whole evening he was called the invisible man and people kept trying to 'draw' him.
Do not stand anywhere near your own works of art..this is too risky as you will always be disappointed by what you hear...especially if you are a 'modern' artist.
It is inevitable that at some time you will be asked your 'honest' opinion of some 'masterpiece'.
In this case honesty is probably not the best policy. Simply follow the sterling example of a great friend of mine Margaret Hockney who has been involved with the art scene all her life. ...look earnestly at the piece for a few seconds, nod your head a couple of times and then say with conviction - "Very interesting and well framed!".
Ah well food calls....now what do robots eat?